Kid Fresino as Robin in Cleansed Shot by Yokna Hasegawa / 長谷川億名


Alisa showed me NASA live video view,and said that we can see sunrise four times from this view. during our talking, somebodys voice intruded with unrelated noise. Alisa became in whispers,we listened carefully. Man and woman were calling out something each other. Alisa looked at me and said, these are the voices of astronauts.

i talked to tai chan. he was just looking for the universe-esque title for his work .. and i told him about the live view.
he and i talked about that there’re no secrets for astronauts.
and we discussed why we can see sunrise four times..?? on the earth,every moments,sun rises anywhere.  Alisa told me that Space station goes round the earth par 1 and half hours..
Tai said,he can’t believe that there aren’t any secrets, it looks fake.
“They can’t be horny,can they? i can’t believe.”
I asked, “umm,and they are retouching UFO,too”?
then he told me that he will lend me one interesting book, whose name is “Ufo and Post Modern”.
i said,the title is awesome.
correspondence is  better than metaphor,as a word. (



Ernst Robert Curtius






happy new year

euoi.. is such a beautiful word.

i printed some new photographies. i’m always obsessed by the image of soldier,and sometimes the word “soldier” itself. like “southern soldier” .it’s my one of most favorite words.”southern soldier”. when i found the news article of the perfect bone of a soldier in okinawa was digged, in my past evernote,i also felt like finding my missing piece . (now i just remember that today or yesterday someone or some news or some title told me the word “northern __(something)” and i liked that words,but i can’t remember now…) yokota san likes hokkaido. he told me about one artist who uses the video capture as stills. and his works are so cool. but moi, i should focus more. i watched some process of sphew and i was healed by it. yokota gave me one Tri-X movie-film and told me that the film was given by the artist who makes the visual of vessel… sometimes,i felt like yokota san is a so big window,the abyss,hole that connects to anywhere..
i printed the image of one japanese pinup girl by the copy machine at the convienience store.
i found her image by image-search.i can’t feel eroticism by popular things. but she was a typical charming girl in her generation maybe. it’s a different generation for me. and i’m interested in using her images as the nostalgia..? but it’s not nostalgic,but cheap a bit. and open.cheerful. not unhealthy,but smells like money.i don’t know the reason why i chose her especially. but first of all,she isn’t beautiful very very much but sometimes looks beautiful by the good angle. her too feminine appeal rubs the wrong way but it reminds me 80’s and Japanese bubble economy. ..she is so glamourous and released two photo books that focuses her body.now her information doesn’t exist in 2018. i can’t know what she is doing now. i put the rough print into the gorgeous frame. and wrote ” love forever,lust forever” with my name by silver pen on her face,stomach,foot. in the image,she is kneeling on the bed with swimsuit,and adjusting her swimsuit of bust.
i installed it into my room and it must be my best work ever. Lazy Love is my favorite word too.everything is metaphor of sexual things,then sexual thing itself is the essence.but today,even sexual thing itself has been metaphor.so i have to look for the essential thing in more twisted field.


Give me your love, it’s a curious love
Give me your heart, it’s a curious thing
Our lady of the shipwreck is
Running thru the storm
Her skirts blown back, hands to the fore

My love and I go
It’s a curious woe
Like dreamers at dawn
Awake but not yet
You give me your heart
It’s a curious thing
Give me your love
It’s a curious love

It burns and it slides
It’s a curious ride
Give me your heart, yeah
Give me your heart
My love and I go
It’s a curious woe

We’re younger than clouds, younger than clouds

It burns and it slides
It’s a curious ride
Give me your heart, yeah
Give me your heart (2017/12/12)




-then,Imaginary friends….


-Starry eyes
How can I get to you my true little
Starry eyes
What can I say or do for you my little
Starry eyes
Starry eyes forever shall be mine

Starry eyes
What can I say to make you listen
Starry eyes
What can I do for your attention
Starry eyes
Starry eyes forever shall be mine
When I’m alone I hear & feel you
Wish that I could reach right out & touch you
But knowing you’re the one to greet me & meet me
Two alone in the dark may you be

Starry eyes
The sparks will fall on me
Starry eyes
Won’t you listen that I’m here being for you starry eyes
Starry eyes forever shall be mine

-I always not letted off my blanket in my childhood. I felt special relationship between the blanket and me. and I thought anyone around me (like mother ) also knew that fact.
But after my brother was born and became 2 or 3 age? that blanket naturally had belonged to my brother. I was really shocked but didn’t get angry or tell anything. I don’t know why.
when I remember this tale,I ,seriously feel like crying at even this age yet..(though I remembered this now for the first time since long time..). this is so core episode of myself.
and my brother loved my other brother,not me was my black hole too.
now I can understand that boy wants to play with boy, but I thought that.. the kindness is nothing. I felt loveless though I think it’s so strange. I never loved boy in my childhood.I wanted to be loved by brother and blanket.
I only told this to tianjia once,before. I also told my first erotic-experience too. it’s 3 or 4 years old. when I looked at the hidden side of toy car (when I made it reverse,) I suddenly felt eros. I remember.
Now I analyse my sadness,emptiness,in my heart=hole.
I of course always love people.

Behind her,I saw the grey concrete wall like ruins.
I searched it.
I searched the address.
The coincidence of reality and not-reality.
The sound of sex of cats on Skype.
Photography is my treasure.
I don’t care whether the thing that will make apparent,is  love or loveless.
or it will change? or gradation?

everything is priceless.



-Yuriko San told me about the similarity between “illuminations” and “India Song”.
I was really glad to hear that. Because I didn’t think about the similarity she noticed.
I thought that Duras-ish is maybe.. emphasized by camera work.
and The CONVERSATION or the relativity between these two things.
I knew Yuriko-san  studied India Song and I read her texts about “polyphony” and it impressed me so much. Because it was also my biggest question around Duras,and my feeling toward cinema itself. So I asked her to analyze the side of “sound” of my film,the technology of “Sonimage”.
But the format of illuminations doesn’t look like Duras’s. not static. not silent.. with much of young conversation,So I expected that she will write about Godard..if she liked luckily..
But she suggested that the camera work and the format of illuminations is partly influenced by Nouvelle Vague.but rather the core motif is similar to Duras’s works. She said,she had already noticed in the first scene,but that feeling continued through the film.the point is  the central emptiness/Ruin that attracts boys & girls,and men in India Song.
Seriously I was surprised at this idea but.. yes,it’s true.
The Ruin is something attracts me. actually I can apply this theme to the people.
I am always really interested in someone who is doll-ish,someone who has the eye with empty hole. I don’t know why but ,in the work by Dennis Cooper & Gisèle Vienne,such interests are apparent. maybe it’s the way to approach the death/ or “anywhere so far away but sure” .. and mysterious desire? after all..?

and,this time I think about why am I glad when I was told that I am influenced by Duras..?
maybe originality itself is not my interest now.
and cinema is after all one whole big place itself. each cinemas are not,never, individual.(though I mind this idea is like a totalitarianism. but..)
and I was really glad that I was said to have been able to join that place at least.



–dear,wonderful body memory-

稗田阿礼 Are Hiedano / mémoire tout de l’histoire.記憶術Technique du mémoire/ lived in 7 century~8 century(Asuka/Nara period. older than Saigyo,)
this person was said to be woman. because “Are” is the name,used for the women,especially shrine maiden. but myself knew this theory now for the first time(me and almost of japanese thought that Are is a man.)je suis intéressé par lui/because she remembered every history of origins,that were burned and lost, then she was called to call,vomit(? i would like to use the word which sounds physical..),and release every memory,then other people wrote it down. finally that is named as “Kojiki” old facts-record,the oldest history-story book of japan.

Are means “the birth of god”.






–TENSE is origined from Latin word “tempus / time”.

記憶:memoria [memoria]
体:corpus [korpus]





i listened to Fishmans after a long time.

—-we talked about sin and punishment. and we walked in the corridor of everlasting logic. and today,now i finally remembered about “memories”. and Saigyo. Saigyo is a japanese poet in Heian-period and Kamakura-period.(so maybe he lived in 12 century? awesome). he is the first person who made android in his magic.but he had threw it away in the deep forest,because the android moved crazy and he felt the fear.. then,he felt the sin.and thought like.. “how does it now there..?”.i was really impressed by this episode.. but… the desire to make someone,is already soaked in the micro waves of sin.. so biotic.. i want to make something with aoi. though in cleansed,Grace is at least over 30 years old.. and there’re not any other women,but in my next work,we should do something together.(2017/11/24)



one of the problems that Nelly (on the stage) proposed and still refrains in my mind,was “what is the success that makes us be game-cleared-souls and never live next life any more.”
why are the suicides failures? she should live again for avoiding that choice? I found a similar question in my old note.(2017/11/17)


— ___ is a soulmate.but I don’t know the things that we should do.


—I cleansed kodachrome 64.

Extinct animal.絶滅した動物。



I asked to Marie,about the difference between stages and cinemas, but I couldn’t hear her answer in this time.Only I had talked. I want next chance. (2017/11__

—coincidence along the sea.



in the aqueous solution.(2017/11/5)